what do i do if my partner doesn’t want to go to couples therapy?

Wondering what to do if your partner doesn’t want to go to couples therapy? You’re not alone. In this post, you’ll learn why some partners resist therapy and what steps you can take to strengthen your relationship — even if your partner isn’t ready yet.

One partner in the relationship wants to seek out couples therapy because they are feeling like they might need a little help in figuring out some conflict in the relationship, or they want to strengthen the relationship, learn communication skills, or feel there has been a big hurt that is cutting into the happiness in the relationship.

But their partner simply says “no,” or is dragging their feet, or is worried about what might happen in couples therapy.

If this has happened to you, in your relationship — you are not alone.

Why Your partner might resist couples therapy

— Fear of being blamed
— Fear of judgment
— Worried about privacy or bias
— Concerns about time, cost, or commitment

Couples therapy can feel intimidating! It can be terrifying to start couples therapy and expose what is happening in your relationship — feeling afraid that the therapist might pick sides. They might feel worried about the time commitment, or how you will find the time to do couples therapy; they might worry about the cost and whether it’s worth the investment.

What you can try instead:

1. Get curious and explore their hesitation

2. Suggest alternatives to therapy

3. Share your needs in a non-blaming way

4. Begin with individual therapy

Getting curious, asking them about their hesitation allows space for them to share their feelings, concerns, worries. Is there some fear coming up? Is it a time / commitment concern? Do they worry that it won’t be worth the investment? This opens it up to discussion, rather than just assuming the answer is a definite no forever.

There are other options to therapy! (I’m going to share more about this below)

Try talking to your partner about your needs, concerns, worries. Help them understand your why, and what you’re afraid will happen if you don’t go to therapy. This also opens it up to further discussion.

And if they still are not ready, individual therapy is still an option. You can make your relationship the focus of therapy and how the relationship is impacting you, and still learn about ways to enhance your relationship in individual therapy until your partner is ready.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is a specialized therapy for couples. This type of therapy is focused on helping couples to understand that neither of them is the “problem,” rather - the negative cycle you are getting into is the problem. EFCT is an approach that goes deeper than just coping skills and communication skills — relationships are so much more than just verbal communication.

EFCT is evidence-based, effective, and focused on creating security and closeness rather than blame.

Taking the First Step at Home

If your partner isn’t ready, it doesn’t mean your relationship has to stay stuck. You can begin making changes at home with the right tools and guidance.

You don’t have to wait for both of you to agree to therapy before making progress. That’s exactly why I created my mini-course “Roadmap for Couples Back to Connection” — a self-paced program you can do at home, on your own schedule.

Inside, you’ll learn practical strategies for building connection, improving communication, and creating more security in your relationship, even if your partner isn’t ready for therapy yet.

👉 [Click here to learn more about the mini course].