Why I Ditch New Year’s Resolutions (And Why You Might Want to Too)
By Mattracea Wendleton, LPC — Trauma & Attachment Therapist in Missouri
Online Therapy for Individuals & Couples Across Missouri — Springfield • Kansas City • St. Louis • Rural areas in MO
Every January, the same pressure shows up:
“New year, new me.”
Gym memberships. Rigid routines. All-or-nothing goals.
And… if we’re being honest… a lot of shame by February.
I see it every year with clients:
Resolutions start strong, then quickly become a reminder of “what you didn’t stick to.”
And I don’t believe that’s because people lack motivation.
I believe it’s because resolutions are rooted in perfectionism, not growth.
They’re often:
Too rigid
Too unrealistic
Too disconnected from your emotional capacity
Too focused on “fixing” yourself
Too tied to success/failure thinking
Which means the moment life shifts — stress, kids, work, relationships, energy, trauma triggers — the resolution falls apart.
And then the narrative becomes:
“I always quit things.”
“Something’s wrong with me.”
“I can never stay consistent.”
No wonder resolutions feel heavy.
I made this change several years ago (it feels empowering!),
And I invite you to consider doing the same.
What You Need Instead: Intentions.
Intentions aren’t about perfection.
They aren’t all-or-nothing.
And they don’t punish you when life happens.
Intentions are:
Gentle
Flexible
Values-based
Centered on growth
Rooted in who you want to become, not what you should achieve
Sustainable throughout the entire year — not just January
Instead of forcing change, intentions invite it.
They allow space for improvement, setbacks, compassion, and real-life challenges.
They help you align your actions with the version of you you're becoming — not a checklist of tasks to accomplish.
Intentions shift your lens from:
“I must do everything right.” to
“I’m showing up for myself in small, consistent ways.”
And that is where real change happens.
How to Set Intentions That Support Your Mental Health
Here are the therapeutic pillars I walk clients through when we shift from resolutions to intentions:
1. Choose how you want to feel this year.
Not what you want to accomplish.
Not what you want to fix.
Not who you want to impress.
Instead ask:
Do I want to feel grounded?
More connected?
More secure?
Less overwhelmed?
More present?
Your intentions will grow from those feelings.
2. Focus on identity, not tasks.
Instead of: “Work out 5 days a week”
Try: “Become someone who honors my body and energy.”
Instead of: “Stop overthinking everything.”
Try: “Cultivate trust in myself.”
Tasks may change.
Identity-based intentions stay with you.
3. Use small systems, not big promises.
This is why I love the Bullet Journal Method (see below for direct link to the book!)
It’s flexible, forgiving, and customizable — perfect for anxious brains, overwhelmed moms, and inconsistent schedules.
Systems help you stay connected to your intention without pressure.
4. Build in room for compassion.
Your intention is not ruined because you had a hard week, your child got sick, you skipped therapy, or life got messy.
Intentions let you begin again — as many times as you need to.
That’s the entire point.
Journal Prompts for Setting Your Intentions This Year
These prompts are gentle, grounded, and perfect for reflection:
Reflection: Where You Are Now
What did I learn about myself this year — emotionally, relationally, or mentally?
Where did I grow in ways I didn’t expect?
What drained me this year, and why?
What supported me more than anything else?
Clarity: What You Want to Feel
How do I want to feel at the end of next year?
What emotions do I want to experience more often?
What would “peace,” “connection,” or “confidence” look like in my daily life?
Identity: Who You’re Becoming
Who am I becoming?
What parts of me am I ready to nurture or strengthen?
What beliefs about myself am I ready to let go of?
Intention: How You’ll Move Through the Year
What intention would support the emotional life I want?
How can I show up for myself in small, consistent ways?
What systems or habits would make my life feel gentler?
A Tool I’m Personally Using This Year
One system that has genuinely supported my intention-setting is the Bullet Journal Method.
It’s simple, grounding, and easy to adapt — especially if you’re managing anxiety, overwhelm, or an unpredictable schedule.
Full transparency: The links below are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only share tools I personally use and find helpful.
— The Bullet Journal Method book
teaching you the principles behind the bullet journal method and how to set up your bullet journal
My favorite bullet journals:
Basic, Plain (has ruler and wire bound) — the cool thing about bullet journaling is it can be as simple as you want it to be OR if you are more creative and artistic check out this one…
Use these tools only if they support your goals — never out of pressure.
If You’re Ready for a Different Kind of Year…
Setting intentions instead of resolutions may be the shift you need.
Your healing, your growth, and your identity deserve space — not pressure.
And if you want support creating a year that feels aligned, grounded, and emotionally safe, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
Now accepting new clients for online therapy throughout Missouri
Trauma • Anxiety • Attachment • Couples • Emotional Healing
Springfield • Kansas City • St. Louis • Bolivar • Telehealth statewide
