When you know better, but still struggle to be kind to yourself.
We all have moments when we don’t show up as our best self — and then guilt starts creeping in.
I should have known better.
I should have done better.
Let’s talk about when this happens, why it happens, and what to do about it.
Think about the last time you were on edge — overstimulated, overwhelmed, with too many things to get done — and you snapped at your child.
If you had been feeling better emotionally, more regulated, more present… it probably wouldn’t have happened. And you know that.
So later, when everything quiets down, you lie in bed replaying the moment. You criticize yourself. You worry about how they feel and what you may have done. You promise yourself you’ll “do better tomorrow,” while disappointment, stress, and guilt settle in.
This doesn’t even have to be about parenting. This fits for any time that you felt like you had done something “wrong” or “bad” and criticism creeps in, beating yourself up starts happening.
When this happens, disappointment takes over. It’s in the driver’s seat.
Self-criticism sits right beside it, reinforcing every doubt.
Meanwhile, self-compassion and grace are buckled in the backseat — unsure when it’s okay to speak up.
A gentle pause (if this resonates)
If you’re already noticing self-criticism coming up as you read this, you’re not alone. Some people find it helpful to slow these moments down through reflection or support.
You’re welcome to download my self-love journal prompts if writing helps you process emotions and practice self-compassion in real time.
And if anxiety, overwhelm, or constant self-judgment feel hard to manage on your own, therapy can be a supportive space to explore what’s underneath — at your pace.
Self-criticism has a way of convincing you that you aren’t good enough, or that you’re not doing enough.
Often, that voice didn’t start with you. It’s shaped by what you experienced growing up, what you were told, and what you constantly see modeled — especially online.
You want to do things differently. You care deeply. But in these moments, that’s not the voice you hear.
Self-compassion, self-love — when this voice shows up, it sounds different.
How Do I Practice Self-Compassion? What Does Self-Compassion Sound Like?
It sounds like:
“That was a hard moment.”
“I was overwhelmed, not a bad parent/person.”
“This doesn’t define me.”
“I can repair this.”
Self-compassion doesn’t excuse behavior or pretend it didn’t happen. It recognizes context. It understands that when your nervous system is overloaded, your capacity is limited — and reacting doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
The part of you that snaps isn’t the problem. It’s a signal. A signal that you need rest, regulation, boundaries, or support. But when self-criticism takes over, that message gets lost. Instead of learning from the moment, shame steps in.
And shame doesn’t create change. It creates more pressure, more tension, and often… more of the same.
Promising yourself you’ll “do better tomorrow” while being harsh with yourself today doesn’t actually help you show up differently. It keeps your nervous system on high alert.
What Helps? What do I do when I catch myself being self-critical?
What does help is slowing the moment down. Noticing the disappointment without piling on judgment. Allowing responsibility without self-punishment. Offering yourself the same compassion you’d offer your child — or a close friend — on a hard day.
Self-love in moments like this isn’t grand or performative. It’s quiet. It’s saying, “This was hard, and I’m still worthy of compassion.” It’s repairing when you can and letting yourself be human.
Because showing up as your best self doesn’t mean never reacting, never snapping, or never feeling overwhelmed. It means noticing when you’re struggling — and choosing compassion instead of criticism when it matters most.
If you’d like support
If self-criticism feels like a constant companion, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
You can download the self-love journal prompts as a gentle place to start practicing compassion in everyday moments.
Or, if anxiety, overwhelm, or perfectionism are impacting your life or relationships, therapy can offer a supportive, non-judgmental space to explore this more deeply.
To get in contact to ask more questions, to see if therapy is the right fit for you, fill out the form below
