Why the Holidays Feel So Emotionally Overwhelming (Especially If You Have Anxiety)
For many people, the stress doesn’t start during the holidays — it starts before.
You might notice your anxiety creeping up weeks in advance. Your sleep feels off. Your chest feels tighter. Your mind is racing through conversations that haven’t happened yet. You feel emotionally drained before the first gathering even arrives.
If that’s you, I want to gently say this first:
Nothing is “wrong” with you.
What you’re experiencing makes sense — especially if you live with anxiety, have a trauma history, or carry a lot of emotional responsibility in your family.
Let’s talk about why.
Why Anxiety Often Increases Before the Holidays
Holiday anxiety is often anticipatory.
Your nervous system isn’t reacting to what’s happening right now — it’s reacting to what it expects to happen.
For many people, the holidays come with:
social expectations
family dynamics that feel complicated or tense
unspoken roles you’re expected to fall back into
pressure to be “grateful,” “present,” or “happy”
memories of past conflict, loss, or emotional hurt
Your body remembers these experiences, even if you consciously tell yourself, “This year will be different.”
So before the holidays even begin, your nervous system may already be preparing for:
emotional labor
conflict avoidance
people-pleasing
managing other people’s reactions
staying hyper-aware to keep the peace
This is not weakness.
This is your nervous system doing its best to protect you.
Emotional Overload vs. “Not Coping Well”
Many people describe this time of year as feeling:
more irritable
more sensitive
more tired
more anxious
more tearful or numb
And then they judge themselves for it.
But emotional overload is not the same as “failing to cope.”
Emotional overload happens when:
there are too many demands (social, emotional, relational)
there’s little room for rest or regulation
your nervous system doesn’t feel fully safe
you’re holding more than you have capacity for
This is especially true for people who:
grew up needing to manage others’ emotions
learned to stay quiet to avoid conflict
were praised for being “easy,” “helpful,” or “strong”
carry anxiety or trauma in their body
read more about how attachment gets triggered in the holiday season, around family here
Your system may be reacting not just to this holiday — but to many holidays before it.
Family Dynamics, Attachment Wounds, and Old Roles
Even if you’ve done a lot of personal growth, family environments can pull you back into old attachment patterns quickly.
You might notice yourself:
people-pleasing without realizing it
feeling responsible for everyone’s comfort
bracing for criticism or disappointment
shutting down emotionally
feeling like a younger version of yourself
Attachment wounds often show up more strongly around family because those relationships were formed early — when your nervous system was still developing.
Your body may remember:
feeling unseen
needing to perform for connection
learning that love required emotional labor
not having space for your own needs
So when the holidays approach, your nervous system may already be scanning for danger — even if no one has said a word yet.
Signs Your Nervous System Is Overwhelmed
Holiday stress doesn’t always look like panic attacks.
Sometimes nervous system overload shows up as:
difficulty sleeping or staying asleep
racing thoughts or constant mental planning
emotional numbness or disconnection
irritability or snapping more easily
fatigue that rest doesn’t seem to fix
a sense of dread you can’t quite explain
These are not character flaws.
They’re signals.
Your system may be saying: “This is a lot.”
Gentle Ways to Ground Yourself This Week
You don’t need to “fix” your anxiety to get through the holidays.
You need regulation, compassion, and permission.
A few gentle supports:
Lower expectations (especially the ones you place on yourself)
Build in pauses before and after gatherings
Name your limits internally, even if you don’t say them out loud
Slow your body first (breath, movement, temperature changes)
Release the idea that you’re responsible for everyone’s emotions
Ask yourself, “is this my responsibility?” “are their emotions and expectations mine to handle?”
Even small moments of grounding can help your nervous system feel less alone.
When Therapy Can Help During the Holidays
If the holidays consistently feel overwhelming — not just busy — therapy can be a supportive space to:
understand your anxiety more deeply
explore attachment patterns and family roles
learn how to regulate your nervous system
practice boundaries without guilt
move through the season with more steadiness
EMDR and Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFT/EFIT) are great therapy types to help you rewire this and create new patterns of safety, comfort and connection.
I offer online, trauma-informed therapy throughout Missouri, including Springfield, Kansas City, St. Louis, Bolivar, and surrounding areas. Telehealth counseling allows you to receive support without adding another stressful commitment to your schedule. (Read more about telehealth counseling.)
You don’t have to push through this season alone.
A Gentle Reminder
If the holidays feel heavy, that doesn’t mean you’re doing them wrong.
It often means your nervous system has learned to survive difficult emotional experiences — and it’s asking for care, not criticism.
